Old Jaanix Posts

President George W. Bush's longstanding program to export democracy to the Middle East reached fruition yesterday, as the last of America's dominant political philosophy was shipped to Manama. "Don't say I never gave you nuthin', Bahrain," Bush joked during a ceremony at a Washington D.C. "Ship 4 Less" outlet, during which he carefully placed the democracy in a cardboard box filled with packing peanuts. After the parcel was sealed and given to a UPS deliveryman, Bush delivered some prepared remarks to commemorate the occasion. "The United States had democracy for over 200 years, so it's well past time to pass it on to some other deserving nations," he said. "Nobody likes a democracy hog," he added to laughter. Bush vowed to continue the exportation of liberty during his third and fourth terms, and begin exporting the pursuit of happiness during his fifth.